


The Mirror

by stardustcatharsis



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: #slowburn #forcebond, #tension #reylo #waff #smut, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-10 20:12:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13508943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustcatharsis/pseuds/stardustcatharsis
Summary: After Leia's death, Ben finds himself grief stricken and calls a ceasefire to attend her ceremony. Upon arrival, Rey finds him and abandons her squadron to save him from being killed, ultimately being sought out for her own treason. Tensions arise when an awareness of their proximity weighs too heavy for them to ignore their bond and its repercussions. M for later chapters.





	1. The Valley

 

 

Time seemed to start and stop more frequently than it use to. Since the day that her light extinguished, there was more than enough reason to dwell on the void she left behind. The galaxy seemed to be bathed in strange moonlight, just as much as she was when she passed. 

 

The constellations sang and the vastness of the systems seemed to diminish. The procession was within reach, somewhere lost in the old saturine capitol of Naboo. 

 

How was  _he_ supposed to mourn her loss when he fought against her very existence? It was humanizing in some strange way, settling in his bones as he stared at the murky atmosphere looming outside of his ship's hull.

 

It partitioned him from the infinite voices crying out in desperation, and he was privy to keep it that way. Kylo, or was he Ben? He was unsure as the tumult within himself seemed to push and pull the other with disdain. 

 

Either way, the man decided, as he drew a deep breath, it would not tarnish his mother's legacy or the rapt fervor of her bloodline. She was a gracious princess, a stout commander and a damn fine General at that. 

 

No matter how alone he had felt, her death was far more personal than his father's. The boy ran his gloved fingers through his hair, knowing that he would arrive moments before her funeral began. 

 

He knew that Rey would be present, and it stilled him momentarily as he drew a finger down the river separating his face. He could not hide from her, nor would he try. It would be mute. 

 

Their bond had fizzled out, or been compartmenalized and the uncertainty of it was a reminder that he no longer had any semblance of family.  A glower spread across his face as he flexed his hand nervously. 

 

This was only a mere fragment in time, when the ceasefire became mandated for the duration of one rudimentary day. He should not have cared, or worn his sorrow like a crown, yet he did.

 

A stale taste clung to his throat as he searched through the Force for his mother, or Rey, or even his uncle. Anyone who would latch on to his signal, perhaps, would have done him a service.

 

Yet, as the vessel penetrated the balmy air, he readied himself for departure. He stared at his stoic face in the metallic plating along the wall and swallowed his pride. 

 

He had requested the ship be small, compact, and only carry what was necessary for stealthy escape. The quarters only took a few strides with his long gait to reach the capsule compartments. He parted the door and found a suitable, undetectable pod. He was far too tall and felt uncomfortably cramped inside of the missile. 

 

His nervousness was that of  _Ben,_ not the pseudo formidable  _Supreme Leader_.  The role felt hollow at times, and it made his anger sweep across his body at the thought. 

 

Attached to the ports, 9E struggled to maintain its position as it was never properly repaired. It whistled and clanged and hissed against the pod.  

 

The pressure crumpled its antenna as they fell to the earth. Ben thumbed at the controls, causing the pod to slow its descent as it flittered with steam and fuel. The landing was inevitably softer than he expected. 

 

It halted adjacent to a still ponds that lined what was a flush and full forest. The ground beneath was not disrupted. 

 

A sigh escaped him as he fought against the compartment to stretch his long legs. His BB-unit rolled along the exterior as though it was draining the pod of his charge. 

 

Ben sat crookedly on the edge of the pod, absorbing the heaviness looming in the air. He could not pinpoint the exact location where the mourners pushed their grief. He felt odd, like a child. There was a melancholy that came with the innocence of being so unaware. He relished it for a moment before recouping. 

 

He yearned to feel Kylo guide him and not this stamped down, frightened boy. He was humbled by the sensation as it rippled through his body. It was an anxiousness he had almost forgotten, and in itself, realized how very human he was.

 

His long fingers darted through a pack of ceremonial garb, while his BB-unit flittered in a lopsided roll to explore the terrain.

 

Ben's dark eyes stared past the ring of ponds, somewhere lost in a daze of his youth. He could almost see his mother braiding her long hair on the flush embankment in the summer.

 

It made his stomach knot as he rifled for his belongings. Kylo would not have cared if it were suitable. No. He would have not given the slightest of care to the death of his mother.

 

Theed was no longer pristine, or beautiful in structure but decayed and tarnished by the Empire and its aftermath. Ben had watched it fall into illrepair over his lifetime and he sighed at the notion. 

 

Pushing himself to his feet, he stood tall in the clearing as he disrobed. The black cloaking and heavy garments fell to the earth as he replaced them with sooty gray and brown cloth sewn with ornamental threading. Leia preferred him in gray. It suited him, she'd say. 

 

Worry caught his throat as he felt something almost foreign pry at him. How long had it been since he actually felt  _this?_ It was so very human, so remorseful. 

 

For a moment, Ben stilled himself. He was just a man, afterall. A moment of calm washed over him and he wondered if most people felt the sensation. He had felt it with Rey when they spoke, and when he was very young in his mother's arms before she whisked herself away to the Senate. 

 

Han loomed in his mind alongside her as he swelled with anger.  _Kylo_ slithered through him as he rushed to the mossy embankment. Swallowing hard, he felt  _it_. 

 

A sheen of tears streaked across his prominent features as he stared into his reflection. He knelt down, sneering at the face that stared incredulously at him. 

 

His mother and father bled across his face. Eagerly, Ben thrust his hands into the water, erasing the image. Slinking back, he panted as his nails dug into his palms. 

 

A trickling of blood slid through his fingers. It was cathartic. It was release. It was anything but the build up of this moment ---  _of this child he was becoming._

He sloshed his hands into the water once more, rigorously trying to wash the blood clean. It stung as he scrubbed violently to cleanse the sin that lived upon them. 

 

He choked on a sob. He hadn't the freedom to feel the emotions that lived inside of him, only the rush of hatred. 9E blipped behind him, nudging the man as he pushed himself back to his boot-clad feet. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand as he looked down at the scarred up droid. 

 

It still held burn marks on his poorly manicured exoshell. Ben pressed a line across his mouth as he reached inside of the garment folds. 

 

Closing his eyes, he let the cool winter humidity cling to his bones. It bit at him enough to brighten his pallid skin as he pulled and prodded through his hair. 

 

Leia would knot it when it was long, and she always liked him that way. Crooked teeth and two or three exposed freckles, that's what he remembered of himself.  _Of_   _that face._

It should not have affected him this way. He was conquering a galaxy, not mourning, wasn't he? The question of it became heavy as he looked for a familiar cobble. They were in decay, and less grand that he remembered.

 

Naboo was utterly demolished save for the palace some ways away. He searched through the Force to find anything, hurt, loss, rage...

 

It was all centered in the Capitol. He swallowed hard as he called his saber to his side. He threaded it through his belt as he nudged his BB-unit to follow. There were a lot of things that felt odd and out of place as he followed the pathway through the wilted trees. 

 

All of the canopy was black, almost haunting beneath the cool gray sky. The grand fountains  and statues lay in ruin around him, as he felt his way through from forgotten memories.

 

In the distance, Padme's daughter was readied and he knew that he would have to face the reality that was sewn. For the briefest of moments, Rey flickered into his vision.

 

His heart palpitated. He bit his lip nervously, feeling her aura growing stronger. It had been so long since he has seen the sea of freckles hanging on her skin like constellations. 

 

The image that passed before him was so breft that he wondered if she had even felt it. It happened once more, more clearly than the first. This time, her dark eyes peered around her as though she was startled.

 

It ended as quickly as it began. 

 

Some native creatures, and races hustled by him dressed in ornate gowns and adornments. Reds and deep blues and golds spilled over the landscape as they scuttled along, yammering in some unknown language.

 

This was the first time that he could convince himself that he was a person beneath the layers he wore. The decision to come here as he was, as his mother remembered him, was something that was right and just. Caring was strange. It was strange to momentarily free himself from disdain.  

 

Just before the edge of the treeline, he could see the main street before him. It was still a distance away, and he wasn't privy to getting too close. 

 

 There were throngs of people veiled in darkness but there was one flickering light that whispered to him. Closing his eyes, he braced himself for what he knew was coming.

 

It was inevitable given the proximity.

Rey's pull sucked the air from his lungs as he devolved. His hands pressed to the together before searching over his neck to ease the tension. Where was Kylo's confidence? Where was his wide gait and intimidating glare? Where was that part of him when he desperately needed that protection?

 

He  _saw_ her in full funeral garb, sitting aboard the Falcon. She sat in the captain's seat anxiously fiddling with the uncomfortable fabric.

 

She had probably never worn a gown, or anything other than what was absolutely necessary. And he froze when her eyes lifted to his in silence.

 

Rey pushed against their bond that had been bridged. Her eyes were wild, bloodied by tears and sleeplessness. She clenched her jaw and craned her swan-like neck. It was the same look she had given him on the Falcon on Crait.

 

It was the look of despair, disappointment amongst other things. The woman did not speak, nor did he. He merely basked in her presence as her Light premeated through him.

 

She let her eyes take him in. He looked so foreign to her without his shroud of darkness. And she the same, buried in a heavy robe of black with her hair pulled in an ornamental braid behind her head. 

 

Some part of her hoped that he would come. And as it was, their bond extinguished before he had a chance to reach out to her or anything to make her speak. Sucking in a deep breath, his absolution came in a wrenching pull. It shredded him apart as his legs began to move in haste. 

 

He maneuvered the landscape, twisting and turning over the broken flagstone and downed marble. The bystanders seemed to be takenaback and sneered as he continued on his path. His droid followed closely, struggling to push forward. 

 

Following their wavelength, he found the Falcon stowed away in an old hanger just on the outskirts of the city. The Rebels seemed to be in abundance, dressed in pressed uniforms and formation as they practiced their funeral march. Looking around, he panicked when he was Dameron leaving the ramp. 

 

He flexed his hand for a moment before trying to show restraint. It was incredibly difficult to do so amongst the traitorous swamp of scum. Though,  _Kylo_ could show none, _Ben_ could. Even if it was just long enough to make it aboard the ship. 

 

But as he stepped forward, the loud bell chimed for each year of his late mother's life. It was a signal that he dreaded to hear. It was almost instaneous that the men and women dispersed. They followed closely behind FN-2187 and Dameron. Rose, the little thing, followed on their coattails struggling with a navy robe that hung far too long for her stature. 

 

Ben despite his impulsiveness, gripped to a tree trunk as he watched Rey glower as she strode down the ramp. Her head snapped towards his direction and he began to panic. 

 

He held her eyes in line with his for a moment that seemed to dredge memories from his very core. He could feel her emotions mirror his --- an amalgam of sorrow, hurt, ease and comfort that swallowed the both of them. 

 

This was one of the few times he was truly afraid to speak to her. How would he go unnoticed at the procession when so many had seen his face and knew that he was the murderer of Han Solo, the Supreme Leader that stood against everything they fought for?

 

Ben closed his eyes. He could no longer bear the weight of her judgement.  It was clear that she would not speak, and he would not delve into her mind. His mother had more than likely added colorful words and practicalities to Rey's vocabulary. It wasn't something he was sure he could fully endure. 

 

His lip ticked, causing a chain reaction in the muscles in his face. If there was a moment in his life where he had to stop pretending he was something ---  _anything ---_ that he was not, it was now. 

 

They stood only a handful of yards apart, but it felt like all of the light years still separated them. And in a way, they both wished for it. The unpreparedness of it struck their bond, making it bloom with color. It was an aura they could feel and see as their stubbornness began to wilt. 

 

Rey was the first to look away, to hold back her tears as she took small strides off of the ramp. Her feet carried her in an opposing direction, but her eyes were still peering in the man's direction. She felt her cheeks warm as she inspected him and the difference the past few months had made. 

 

It was very much a combination of his parents that made her stomach swell. If he was capable of coming this far, then he deserved at least a moment of mourning. Displaying his grief amongst a city of political leaders was the most courageous feat he could commit. 

 

Rey briefly closed her eyes, still struggling with the weight of her gown. She inhaled sharply as the Force pushed its will through her. Their connection thrummed loudly, resonating between interchanging images of his youth and her own acquisition. 

 

Ben's light struck her hard enough for her to drop to her knees, absently sending him across the meters. 

 

His feet pummeled the gravel and dirt to stand tall before her, with the droid close behind. On baited breath, and aggravation Rey pushed herself to her feet. She kicked at the dress and let out a grunt of dissatisfaction. 

 

She hated that his presence distracted her and she wrinkled her nose. Ben knitted his hands together, as he often did even as Kylo. It was a habit that never truly died. 

 

"Rey, I-" Ben began weakly, his voice thick and heavy as it wavered. "Thank for you for being with my mother."  There was no smooth tone or slick set of words that could match his father's charisma.

 

The girl looked him over, keeping her posture straight and proud. "Thank you for coming home, Ben." Her voice was solid, warm as it rushed through his ears. It was more pronounced than any of the moments they had spoken within their own realm. 

 

It was awkward. It was a multitude of things that swayed along the precipice that neither could place. The sea of sorrow was awash amongst all of the other proceedings, and today they stood as equals. 

 

Rey thought to herself without intrusion as he looked at her with the same broken expression he had on Crait. She swallowed her pride as she scanned the perimeter for any remaining members of her fleet. 

 

Cautiously, Rey extended her hand towards him. It left him catatonic as his own quivered as he reached for hers. "Do not think for a moment that I've forgiven you." She said sharply, breath hitching in her throat. "This is just the right thing to do. I will not be able to protect you from whatever you are feeling, or what will happen here today."

 

Ben gripped her palm, smoothing over the calluses to lace his fingers within her own. It felt wholesome, electric beneath her pulse that spread into his own hand. 

 

It began to snow softly, bits of flurry around them and the withering forest line. Ben struggled to find the right words, but he had none. "I appreciate your conditions. I am not expecting forgiveness. I merely wanted to pay respects to my mother and I arranged a ceasefire on all of the Rebellion today."

 

Rey narrowed her eyes, " But at dawn, it will be as it was?" She asked knowingly, finding his features crumbling under her scrutiny. 

 

She could not lie to him and tell him that she had hoped very deeply that their weakened bond would have shown him something within himself. And in a way, satisfaction cut through her. Leia would have been proud that her son had peaked through the darkness to make his presence known. 

 

Rey cleared her mind. "Be on your way. You did not come here for me. You'll be late and this is your last chance, Ben." She said, tearing her eyes away from his. She released his hand to grip to the side of her damned gown. 

 

Ben stared at his bloodied palm and caught her image becoming smaller as it trekked down the incline where a staircase had been. She looked like a queen, rustling those dark robes to become one with a sea of people below. 

 

His body was in tumult and he felt a spike of anger capture him. She'd left him again, and it hurt but he knew he was the catalyst. As the final set of bells chimed, he found the will within himself to follow her. 

 

He lowered his head, winding through a mire of gathers in an attempt to be as inconspicuous as possible. Standing tall above most of the creatures, he scoured their heads until he saw a large encased pod being mounted in the distance. The irreparably damaged palace still gleaned amongst the snowing crown, and he felt a chill rifle through his core. 

 

He could  _feel_ the essence of his mother as he panicked, pushing through the crowd towards the front of the lines. He didn't care in that moment, as the droid clicked and clanged against ankles until it wove its way to him.

 

Idly, as a comfort, he placed his fingers atop its head as he stared down the once ornate street to see the vassal layered with a cloak of red and dried golden flowers. The flag of Alderaan hung in a drapery along its side, and the infamous rebel insignia was carved into the edge of the coffin. 

 

Rey was still close enough that their bond pulsed an image of her. She was closer towards the palace, inappropriately biting her nails. She searched her surroundings until she saw him staring back at her. 

 

The girl swallowed, eyes glistening with tears as she tried to remove herself. It was quick as the ones before, but their closeness brought a wave of comfort that neither had wanted. 

 

Grappling with the loss of his mother and the disconcerting states that began to flood in his direction, Ben held his breath as the militant portion of the procession began. Each step was precise, calculated as their uniforms stood out against the murky backdrop. Each flooding of snow came in spurts as a sweet tune played from the instrumentalists that hung from a balcony. 

 

Their micro-droids were clear and crisp as the capsule containing the body of Leia presided in full display upon the street. It inched its way closer and his distraught figure became more an more distressed. 

 

Upon the arrival of the casket, Ben shuddered. The rampant fervor of his marrow blistered him as he instinctively jutted a hand outward to touch the glass that separated them. She looked rested, decorated in a white gown and long silver locks that hung in a braid. She was slumbering amongst a thrush of flowers and crystals mined from Mustafar, as homage to her bloodline. 

 

His hand slicked across the surface as it was towed from him, sending his emotions spiraling into an unprecedented darkness. He became wild, panting as he began to push through the throngs to chase his mother. Rey immediately pressed against their bond, closing her eyes as the sense of distress. 

 

She held her breath, focusing all of herself onto him. Her arms gripped him around the waist, resting her head on his back as she held on. 

 

The sensation caused him to fall to his knees, clenching his fists as he dissolved into her warmth. It was a breath, and it was gone. The people surrounding him spat at his disgracefulness as he wept discreetly. 

 

His lungs felt like collapsing, as all of himself poured into the cool air. Feet tussled around him as their owners called notice to his disruption. 

 

Rey could clearly see his physical form struggling to regain composure. She blindly left Finn, where entered the barricade. He furrowed his thick brows at her as he followed her eyes to the commotion. 

 

"I've got to help him." Rey breathed, watching as the casket made its final path towards the palace where the aging queen sat upon her throne. 

 

Finn grabbed her arm lightly, finally catching sight of Kylo Ren. "Do you want to get yourself killed, Rey? This is not the place. Please do not entertain him."

 

Rey wriggled out of his grasp. Her eyes pierced him, " This is his mother. He did not choose to feel this." She said astutely, wanting nothing more than to tear the fabric inhibiting her movement. 

 

Part of her hated herself for reaching for him once again. 

 

_Ben, give me your hand._

For a moment, she only felt the disillusionment and confusion that wrought him. 

 

_I said give me your hand._

The woman commanded, finding his eyes catching hers from a short distance. She was brazen, definitely disrespectful to those in mourning, but she pressed through gripping tightly to his long fingers. 

 

"Pardon, please excuse me. I have need of his accompaniment." The girl feigned. Leia had taught her how to be dignified and courteous if the occasion called for it, but to still hold her ground. 

 

Which she most certainly did. 

 

_They'll arrest you for disruption. I doubt that you want to be executed at your mother's funeral._

 

Rey stated, pulling him closer to her small frame.  She felt the weight of his emotions and laced an arm around his waist. 

 

_**Why are you doing this, Rey? You do not have to protect me from this.** _

__

Ben remarked, finding her magnitism drawing him in closer. He could feel her heart beating in tune with his, and the places she touched felt of fire. 

 

Her arm wrapped tightly around his figure, hanging on my her fingers. Furrowing brows wore her features into a discernable frown. 

 

_I'm repaying a debt._

She soothed, keeping her eyes trained on the procession. Poe caught side of the man beside her and clenched his jaw, noticing him before the rest of the party. He looked at Rey as though she had signed, and she could easily read his mind. 

 

Against her better judgment, she used her powers to erase the moment and blind him to Ben's presence. It was wrong, but it was necessary as the casket made its final appearance. Reaching her own hand, she followed Ben's delicately touching the same place with overlapping fingers. 

 

_You favor your father more, but I could always see you in your mother's face._

Rey breathed, retracting her hand as the man beside her shrank beneath the scrunity that he knew would come. A few of the patrons acknowledged him, and it was time to escape. He had done what he wanted and in haste, he looked down at Rey and shook his head.

 

_**Thank you for your cooperation and kindness.** _

__

And with that, Ben tore away from her. Leaving her bruised features in awe and despair. Finn watched the moment unfurl as Leia's casket was blessed by the Queen. Holding it together was something the General somehow did without a second thought. And her son had none of her grace. 

 

As the procession came to a close, all bodies knelt before the ailing Queen. Rey closed her eyes, finally forcing herself to kneel. It was an act she wasn't privy to. 

 

Yet all she could see was Ben. She saw him run as far as his long legs would carry him. And she gripped her heart at the overwhelming weight he carried. 

 

_She loved you Ben. All she ever wanted was for you to come home._

 

He kept running. She knew why, and it broke her heart that he could not mourn amongst them without being more noticeable than he was, or without fear of the First Order finding out that their leader was merely a lost boy running away. 

 

Finn eyed her expression and she felt it. Rose was a mess of tears, and he held to her hand loosely as she stained the plume of her skirt. Rey didn't have to see it to know the look on the girl's face or to know the bewilderment on the defect Stormtrooper's face either.

 

 In itaelf, it felt as though the galaxy had lost an important piece. Everything seemed to dim and the fire she ignited seemed to be as bright as the one held in Queen Soruna's wrinkled hand. 

 

Yet, as they were told to raise as Soruna lit the beautiful assortment of drapery, the Rebellion was not as strong. They would persevere for as long as time would allow, but it would be with her honor.

 

And as time dredged on, seemingly caught in a secular loop, Rey excused herself. She needed a moment to breathe as members of the Senate took their podiums to speak about the influence of Leia Organa.  

 

Finn followed her, bustling in between the bodies between them. He had barely lost her when he found her on the edge of the courtyard. 

 

Her fingers quickly un-braided her hair to let it tumble about her back. 

 

"Rey, I don't understand." Finn stated with conviction, staring his best friend in the eyes. His smooth skin was kissed by snow and sweat beaded against his brow. "Why is  _he_ here? Did he put you up to this?"

 

"There is nothing to understand." The girl said sharply, turning to walk away. "Despite that is a monster, he still loved his mother. Let him have the peace that we won't ever know, Finn."

 

The man shook his head, reaching forward to touch her upon the shoulders. She studied his expression meticulously. "I know what he's done. There is no good in him. There is nothing good that can come from this. And you comforted him?"

 

Rey pulled away. His voice was slick with uncertainty. Questions. They somehow formulated too quickly for him to ask audibly. But she knew the insinuation of betrayal when she heard it. "Finn, one day I'll explain but today is not the day." 

 

"Are you following him? You know that he will be terminated before he is off Naboo." Finn said, "Stay away from him, please. For your own good."

 

The Scavenger piqued her brows. "What do you mean _terminated? "_ She pressed, pushing her fingers into the shiny medallions hanging upon his soft uniform. 

 

"Listen, Rey," the man licked his lips, finding it harder to deal with her willfullness. "We've organized a fleet to take down his ship when it arrives. This was a worst case scenario, because all of the commotion he caused didn't help his ruse."

 

"You cannot do that!" Rey snapped, bearing her teeth as she slapped his hands away. Her own darkness was selfishness and no one would lay a finger on  _Ben._ "Where are they, Finn?"

 

 

AN: 

I think I'm more nervous about posting this than my smut! Haha. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. The Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Using her prowess to deter her companions, Rey decides to take matters into her own hands to save Ben, even at the cost of being executed for treason.

 

Rey breathed in the cold air, flicking her eyes towards the cremation ceremony. Finn was testing her patience. Whether he be close to her or not, the discourse was the same. 

 

" _Where is the fleet, Finn?"_  She asked one last time. A rush of energy pulsated inside of her, and she knew that it was the wrong thing to do, but her consciousness became dotted with darkness. 

 

Finn wiped a hand across his face, worriedly glancing over his shoulder. Part of him prayed for anyone from the Rebellion to whisk him away. "I cannot tell you if you're going to stop it. It  _needs_ to happen, Rey!"

 

The woman narrowed her eyes. Finn immediately saw the tension surmounting as she raised her hand. Fear struck him and he appeared to be takenaback as she whispered, "Please forgive me for this, Finn." 

 

A humming wave of self awareness rolled over her as she twisted her fingers. She gently pressed them against his smooth skin, and pulled the plans deep from a compartment he tried to hide. He panted wildly as she ignored the things he did not want her to see.

 

She learned this from Kylo on Takodana. She felt everything inside of Finn, but focused on the Rebel fleet. The intrusion made her sick to an extent, but she retreated quickly. It was as painless as she could possibly make it.

 

"Thank you." She whispered, using the oldest trick in the Whills to distract him and erase the moment from his memory. 

 

Rey ran her thumb over her friends cheek regretfully. "You will go to Rose and stay away from the Gungan territory. You will tell them to ceasefire at all costs."

 

Finn repeated her, leaving a foul taste in the back of her throat. As he left to head towards the ceremony, Rey lifted her skirt high enough to run. 

 

She skipped the broken stairs on the incline, tracing her steps back to the Falcon. She knew that Ben had arrived nearby. She didn't exactly know  _where,_ but it was close enough to find him. 

 

Her lean legs were strong enough to bridge the distance rather quickly. Her stamina had improved, though her mental stability had started to decline. 

 

Since the last day she saw Ben, or Kylo, or whichever one he was --- Rey found herself lost with even more turmoil ringing through her mind. The question of what choices she made rang loudly and Leia had sensed it. 

 

No other explanation came from the General and she listened to every word. She owed it to Leia to push her son hard enough into the Light to balance himself. She alone could not save him, but he had to want it enough for himself. 

 

Rey could sense a lot of things, but she stamped down the reality she did not want to believe in. Ben was very much the same.

 

And as she found the Falcon flickering stationary lights permeating brighter than she left them, she instantly knew Ben was aboard.

 

Eagerly, she stormed the ramp like a Princess, holding her skirt up high not to get clumsily tangled on the hanging wires and hazards.

 

Inside, the circuitry was illuminating the cooridoor. She knew where he was without relying on the Force and she let out a sigh of relief. They were on borrowed time, and there wasn't much else she could do. 

 

"Ben?" She called, trudging on through the shadows. 

 

When no answer came, she huffed. She was emotionally exhausted, and too drained to deal with his baggage. Yet, she found him asleep in the captain's chair. Chewie would have torn him apart had he not been with his own kind during procession. 

 

Rey cautiously strode close, but kept a small distance as she knelt down beside the chair. She peered across his face, watching the scar fluctuate with his breathing.

 

He was curled into a crooked ball, covered in his mother's heavy cloak. Ben looked innocent, and not like the rampant criminal that he had become. He was no killer in his sleep. 

 

Rey wondered how long it had been since he had slept peacefully and begged herself not to be intrusive. It was not safe for him here and it pained her core, as she curiously extended a finger to brush back a cluster of his ebony locks from his eyes.

 

It was a touch lighter than air, but enough to send him shooting upright. His lightsaber was clutched firmly in his hand.

 

The man heaved a sigh of relief when he saw that it was only the Scavenger. Recoiling, he stared at her with questions passing through his vision. 

 

He wanted to speak but couldn't as he swallowed her energy. Rey rose to her feet, and took the seat beside his wordlessly. 

 

For a moment, she reclined, merely to appear disinterested enough for him to cut through the silence. She was calculating the possibilities in her head when his thunderous voice bloomed.

 

"I have to go back. I've spent too much time in the past. I have nothing left to hold onto, and I feel like I'm ready to make---" he stammered, "--- to finally let go."

 

Rey furrowed her brows, "You will never be able to truly let go of them. I sense your conflict is even stronger now. I will not make your choices for you, but you cannot stay here if you want to see another day to make your decisions." 

 

The man stifled a real response before cupping his head in his hands. He rested his elbows upon his knees, wishing his turmoil away. "Despite what kind of creature you think I am, you still have sympathy for me. I do not want it, but I have given everything for a cause that does not understand this madness."

He scoffed quietly, trying to hide expression on his face. 

 

Rey looked away to hide a flush that curled across her cheeks. Their bond was alive, pushing her in his direction. She knew he felt it just as strongly as she did. It was as if it was against her will, only to acknowledge that she sought him on her own volition. 

 

"There are things that make me utterly sick that I can see and feel your thoughts. Things that I have yet to forgive, or may not ever be able to," Rey said, staring stoicly outside of the wide window at the soft snowfall. A flicker of Starkiller base punctured her briefly before pushing it out. They were past that moment. "Yet, I see and feel your suffering in a way that mirrors my own." 

 

The Scavenger felt no better than  _Kylo_ after using her abilities on her friends and allies. 

 

Ben looked at her with a tenderness she had seen only once before. It was the night they spoke inside of her hut on the island. His glassy eyes were tired and the previous months seemed to have aged him. 

 

Her eyes welled with brackish moisture as their bond thrummed harmoniously for the first time. It was a feeling she could describe and it was juxtaposed upon the fear she had felt moments before. She have very well been the only being in the galaxy that did not fear Ben. Nor did she fear  _Kylo Ren._

 

She saw his expression match hers. Leia would have questioned the interaction, but ultimately left it alone. She would have been proud her son was sitting in his father's chair like he did as a child. It was a natural state that seemed as though it was from muscle memory as he pestered the knobs. 

 

Rey leaned a little closer, extending a hand to brush away his fallen hair. It was soft in her fingers as she tucked it gently behind his ear. The man trembled at the sensation, leaning closer to her. He inspected her face, her flush cheeks, and the way her mussed hair touseled around her sharp jawline. 

 

"You don't think I'm still a monster, do you?" He asked in nothing more than a whisper, hesitantly inching his hand closer to her face. 

 

Rey's eyes fell half-lidded as she pushed herself a little closer. "Yes." She said quietly, feeling her heart tremble at the sight of his forlorn expression. She hated herself for allowing the flow of time to push them into a collision. Yet, she had wanted this desperately for months. 

 

The centimeters between them bridged, as they captured one another in a slow, chaste kiss. It was something far more pure than either expected, or believed was possible with the unrest that usually followed them.  The warmth of it,  the smooth weight of his mouth on hers ---  _it lingered._

Seducing women on Han's ship seemed like something that his son would do, and Leia could attest to the attributes of being caught alone with a Solo. 

Rey's heart beat out of tune as she pulled back, finding a rush of adrenaline hit her body. Ben absently pressed his fingers against his lips. She tasted sweet and full of light. He fretted that he was poison and stared down at her as he pushed himself to feet. Embarrassment struck him like a chord. 

 

"They're coming, Rey." He said softly, "I am man enough to handle a dismal fleet. I'll be gone shortly. And as a pretense, I am sorry for the things that will follow today." 

 

The girl shot up, reaching a hand out to channel the Force. Each door slammed closed and tore off the rickety ramp. Instinctively, the girl switched seats, beating on the buttons and levers. She was just impulsive as he was, and she would never let him forget. 

 

Ben turned around angrily, "What in kriffing hell are you doing, Rey?!" He seethed, finding the resurgence of Kylo Ren's presence. 

 

Rey turned to him as she hastily worked her magic upon the ship. It soon took off, leaving the Rebellion in a startled state as they stared into the sky from below. Surely, someone knew what she had done. 

 

"Saving your ass." She said sharply. She plunged out of Naboo's atmosphere, darting her eyes to the map of the moons. "They were going to execute you during the ceasefire, so I'm doing what I can to keep you alive. I can find you a safer port to be transported back to a First Order ship." 

 

Ben stepped back, his body terse from the gravity. The tension stagnated.  _Why would she save him like this? She was committing treason._

She deserved better. He could not bring himself to expose the truth. Hux was surely going to find out the truth at any cost, as the regime had begun training for unknown annihilation projects. The death of Supreme Leader Snoke had been under investigation since their arrival back from the salt planet. 

 

Ben was guilty of treason, but Rey knew better. It was a moment of awareness. A human moment that spread through his veins. She was no better than him. She had killed, she had delved into her darkness and struggled to tame it, and now she was guilty of a war crime so immense that her comrades would have her executed if they found out the truth. 

 

His mother would have slapped Rey. She would have sent her back to the earth and scolded her until she made a thorough choice. Yet, Leia never did well with injustice. And in his mind, Rey was being true to herself. 

 

"Will your communicators work on Rori?" Rey asked, feeling the sensation of light speed kick in. Ben gripped to the wall, staring into the infinite hail of stars. 

 

"I'll manage even if it doesn't." He reassured her. Closing his eyes, he felt his mother's presence pass through him. It caused his heart to flutter out of rhythm. He smelled her perfume, and faintly saw an enigmatic smile crook upon her lips. 

 

Reopening his eyes in panic, he scurried down the corridor towards the sleeping quarters. Eagerly, the man rummaged beneath a worn cot-mat to find a busted up blaster than he and his father had made. It was crude, and poorly soldered together. 

 

This damn heap of garbage was surely wrought with relics of his past. Even though, it was something he did not want to remember, or relive, it was very much a part of him. 

 

It wasn't long before the heavy scent of spices and humidity permeated into the Falcon as it burst into the atmosphere. He admittedly was surprised Rey's piloting skills were as favorable as they were. 

 

He caught a glimpse of her from the hall, and found her steadily working her fingers along the panel. The landing wasn't soft, but it was soft enough not to damage the landing gear.

 

With a victorious howl, Rey turned around in her seat. Ignoring the heavy wash of rain that began to pummel the window. The cave bats were bogged down, but crept by in clumps. 

 

"I'm taking this damned thing off." She said. Eyeing Ben as the words spilled out of her mouth. 

 

She darted past him, heading to her small, cramped section of the ship.  The drawer where she kept her clothes was packed and she grabbed a loose set of robes. Her eyes narrowed on him as he inspected the familiar surroundings in seething awe. 

 

"Go away. Just because I saved you doesn't mean than you can look at me." She bit, finding her own body trembling at the thought. She needed time to herself and closed the compartment door, leaving Ben shut out once more. 

 

Upon Naboo, Poe searched the hanger where the Falcon had been and found the droid Kylo had left behind. It had been unintentional, and 9E whirred upon detecting the BB unit that followed the newly promoted General. 

 

Poe's head throbbed beneath the weight of his pale helmet wrapped in golden laurel insignia. It was just as much his own ceremony as his surrogate mother's. And in that, he was certain that no inch of the planet would go unmarked. 

 

Finn came barreling through the hanger, his dark eyes penetrating the back of Poe's head. "Where is the Falcon? Did he take Rey?!" He asked, scanning for any of the remaining members of their fleet that were not organized into position. 

 

Dameron turned on his heels, fingers in the air as he kept his eyes on the First Order droid. "It seems so," he said with a rasp. "Look at what our big, bad Kylo Ren left behind." 

 

Finn followed sight of the man's fingers, "We can find him with this BB-unit." He steeled, more calmly than before. 

 

"Do you remember seeing Rey during the procession?" Poe asked, trying to jog the fragments of his memory together. 

 

Finn shook his head, "I only remember bits and pieces. I feel like  _he_ did something to me" he swallowed, questioning the integrity of a friendship with Rey to be better than  _that._

Poe knelt down, watching the BB unit communicating oddly. They'd definitely interacted and it made his body stiffen. He watched them roll in patterns, inspecting one another before blipping and beeping in their own language. 

 

"Rey is in danger. I know she's a big girl, but if she gets caught up in the First Order, we're all doomed and what Leia built will be for nothing." Poe breathed. 

 

A few members of his Squadron pierced through the static of his communicator. Giving directives, he was notified of the pod some meters away. 

 

Finn became irritated in his stupor, brushing a callused hand over his damp face. He cursed the snow as he kicked over boxes of supplies they set aside for loading. 

 

"Leia can't save you. You wanted to lead this rebellion. Then fucking do it, Poe!" Finn hissed, punching the metal wall. His knuckles bruised. "You wanted this. He has her and he has our ship. We have to kill him. I don't know if she did something to me or if _he_ did something to me. I can't remember anything!"

 

Poe bit his tongue. He clenched his jaw do tightly he felt it lock. "  _Listen to me!"_ The man pressed, "Buddy, we're gonna find her. We're gonna get the ship, and we're gonna take out that bastard, okay?" He tried his best at calming Finn down, but empathy was not his strong suit. 

 

"The  _ceasefire!"_ Finn exclaimed in the murkiness of his memory. "I told Rose and Chewie to uphold it." He said shakily, feeling Poe's hands latch against his shoulders.

 

" _You didn't."_ Poe soothed, his eyes looking past the man towards the squadron bringing parcels of clothing. The pod was towed behind them. "One of 'em did that thing, and I doubt it was Rey." 

 

Finn closed his eyes trying to remember as the rest of their party came rushing past. The Falcon couldn't be too far. Implementing the recon fleet would be the first line of duty, and processing information from the First Order's busted up BB unit he remembered from their stealth mission with DJ. 

 

The last thing during the mourning Resistance needed was a reminder of how scattered they had become with Leia's passing, and as they scrambled to assemble, they knew that they had large shoes to fill. Finn and Poe needed to avenge her for the crimes committed during her procession, and set out to destroy the  _Supreme Leader._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. The Space Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben attempt to formulate a plan of escape, only leading to more tension between them. Having no real options, they have to trust one another to find a safe exit.

Rey shrank against the door that partitioned her from Ben. Her hands wove into her hair as she sat bare on the floor. She closed her eyes only to relive the flurry of moments they had shared. Some were vivid and some were lost memories that intertwined with her time on Jakku. 

 

She knew that he could see inside of her and she could feel his presence looming from behind the heavy metal gate. Quietly, she dressed, hoping her embarrassment would fade. It was her first real kiss and it was enough to make her stomach knot. 

 

Guilt, perhaps, sent her into the recesses of her mind. She hated that she saw his humanity and saw past his emotional devolution. 

 

Looking up, she saw the hilt of a poorly soldered saber and frowned. Leia had given her a crystal that she had somehow managed to get her hands on -  _her father's truth be told._

Rey wasn't sure if Ben knew that the other half of Anakin -  _the Tempest that was Vader -_ was buried in a box in the drawer. It was something she still had to imbue, and something treacherous. It was a balance in the purest form, and she planned to seize the opportunity to utilize it. 

 

The Scavenger didn't know, however, if she could do it without Ben. It would take far too much time to do it on her own, and she felt selfish for her own motives.

 

Yet, there was no balance without him, and she needed to keep him alive. Surely, as she raised, dressed in a loose gray tunic and woven trousers, that she would have to face him.

 

It was an honest surprise that he had respected her enough to leave the door and their bond closed for the duration of time she spent locked away. 

 

Closing her eyes, Rey steeled herself for what was to come and sought deeply for a plan to escape. Pressing the lever, the door parted and she found Ben sitting crossed legged with his back to the wall. He looked unusually calm as he looked up towards her. 

 

"I need your help." Rey said quietly, hands resting on the mouth of the walkway. " You and I have to figure out a way to get you out of here before they come find you. I just did what I always do, which is relatively what I want..." 

 

Ben thumbed the rusted blaster that he sat upon the floor beside him, "Knowing Dameron," The man bit his tongue sourly.  "He will act brashly and not have enough ships or manpower to find me if we could shoot off in this piece of garbage."

 

"I see you're familiar with his work." Rey bit sarcastically, staring directly into the pit of his soul. It was damning really, just how hard it was to not allow the Force to push them into their astral garden. It was fickle that way and hard to fight. 

 

Ben scoffed, "Very." releasing the tiniest smirk. A very Han-like gesture if there ever was one. 

 

Rey let out a sigh and looked over his features. "There's something about how you are like _this,_ " she gestured delicately absorbing the image of him fiddling with his long fingers. "That makes you far less frightening of a man. Is that why you desperately wanted to kill this part of you?"

 

She probed, feeling that familiar pull. He sensed it and didn't hesitate to ease into it as they made eye contact. 

 

_**You can look around so I don't have to tell you. I think you already know these things. I don't find it necessary to retell the misgrievings of my tortured bloodline.** _

__

Ben pressed, watching her lithe body sink down to the flooring. She mirrored him, crossing her legs beneath her as she brushed hair from her eyes ---  _if nothing else, she wanted to see him more clearly._

_I only see and know the bits and pieces that you don't put away in a box somewhere._

Rey soothed him, pulling him deeper into her aura as she barely turned her hand over as an offering. 

 

Ben's eyes followed the motion, reciprocating as they had the night he first touched her skin. He wasn't as frightened by it, yet he was still just as enthralled. 

 

Instead of a feather light touch, it was full, warm and confident as their fingers interlocked. 

 

Rey felt her eyes begin to fill with the familiar prickling of tears. It was all in full display, each thread of his family seemed to string along in one continual loop. It was a brief set of seconds before she began to feel ill. 

 

_You cannot destroy your past. You would not have been so keen on paying respects to your mother had you not felt such guilt about your father. They loved you, and love you still. You are only a monster if you allow yourself to be, Ben._

Rey processed as the man trembled. He was very stunted. He needed to grow and without his darkness overbearing the weight of his conscience, he was merely longing for acceptance, just as she was. 

 

He wanted to narrow his eyes on her and storm away as his stomach boiled with discontent. It was damnable how expressive his face actually was. 

 

_**You should have left matters alone, Rey. My will is my own and I chose to do the things that lead me here. You cannot save me from this no matter how you try.** _

__

Rey unrelenting, rolled her eyes at him. 

 

_So, I should have just let a squadron know where you were to kill you before you a had to escape?_

Ben heaved a sigh. She wasn't going to listen to any dismal chat, and he noted that she would distract him from himself, or at least his thoughts.

 

_**So far, it seems, your plan worked.** _

 

He digressed,  noticing how tightly she was holding onto his hand. His dark eyes flittered downward only to raise back to hers.

 

"Well, if we can come to some sort of agreement," She perked her eyebrows in amusement, making a face he couldn't quite place. "Which, we won't. We never do. We may be able to actually pull this off." 

 

Ben smirked to himself, bemused by her tone. It was strange how this feeling of oneness seemed to soothe the ache in his bones. The rain poured outside of the ship, and he focused on the sound as the girl somehow inched closer.

 

A wave of sadness rolled over her as she felt his darkness trickle into her. Then again, maybe it wasn't his. It was her own. What a disappointment she was. The Scavenger scowled. 

 

Ben took in a breath before averting his eyes away from her. He stared into the sleeping quarters and saw the glimmer of a hilt peeking out below a blanket. He let go of her hand, slicing their bond with a cold blow.

 

"So, you still have my saber?" He said bitterly, pushing himself to his feet to look down upon her. Kylo would have wanted to lash out, but he again, showed her restraint despite the rush of adrenaline piercing through him.

 

Rey followed, her short stature insignificant as she glared darkly at him. There was a question between them, yet it remained unspoken. Of all of the standoffs, this had somehow been the most intimate with only silence between them. 

 

"We don't have the time to argue whether or not it belongs to me or you." She said sharply. "I need a weapon if I'm going to survive and this is the one that I chose." It had in fact, chosen her on multiple occasions. Adding insult to injury would have served no purpose here.

 

She didn't fight him when he lumbered into the small quarters and picked up the poorly soldered hilt. His thumb ran across it, "Are you trying to rebuild it?" His eyes fell on her curiously, not entirely surprised by the initiative.

 

Rey chewed at her lip, "I've been working on it for a few months. Leia had helped me as much as she could, but I still can't imbue the crystals. I'll have to mine my own, it seems. Only part of it works."

 

"You have more than one kyber crystal?" Ben asked, looking into the device that seemed more crudely assembled than his own.  

 

Rey's stance became rigid, as she pulled it from his hand. She held the device close to her chest. "This isn't the time for this." She said softly, rolling a thought through her head. 

 

"Let them come for me, Rey." Ben said plainly. "They're a small unit with nothing. They couldn't even stop you from stealing one of your own ships."

 

Rey eyed him for a moment, "I remember what you said, Ben. If we leave Rori, then who's to say that the First Order won't hunt my ship? Or shoot it down without a second thought?"

 

Ben couldn't convince himself, let alone force himself, to believe that Hux would not at least attempt to disobey his orders. A glower hung on his features as a sense of loss penetrated his consciousness. 

 

There were a lot of things that surmounted in that one thought, and that was Rey being killed. In either outcome, her ending was just as set in stone as his. And they were in this together now, whether they wanted to be or not. 

 

She was just as hot headed as he was, and in the briefest of moments, he wished for a moment of her strength. "I cannot promise you safety in this, Rey. You and I both know that after we leave here, or if we stay, we are both targets."

 

Rey chewed at her lip and felt the same sense of self wash over her. Sadness gripped her, watering her eyes with the realization of what she had done. Gravity bogged her into place as she looked towards Ben. 

 

The pull of the Force punctured her, "I know that there is no safety. I do know that I did this for the right reasons, and whether or not anyone feels the same is ultimately up to them. " She said in earnest. 

 

Ben closed his eyes. Of all of the times he didn't want to be his father, this was a marked moment of heaviness. The brashness of action and impulse was heavy in his blood. 

 

Protecting her seemed almost as if it was an assassination to her moral compass. She was so strong, so enviable in the forthrightness of her actions. Yet, as he looked at the dewy sheen across her features, he could feel how afraid she truly was. 

 

"Can you trust me?" Ben asked, not caring what the answer would be. 

 

Rey slicked the back of her hand across her face as she tumbled deeper into her own darkness. "That's a loaded question, isn't it? It's a fine line that I don't know if I want to cross."

 

Ben clenched his jaw as the breath of anger blew across his face. "I can say the same for you, but this gets us nowhere. Either let me take the small opportunity we have or---"

 

"Or what?" Rey snapped, clenching the saber in her hand until her fingers were sore. Ben's eyes fell upon it as he stepped a little closer to her.

 

"This is going to get us nowhere, as I said. You're going to have to set aside this pride that you're so privy to, even for just one insignificant moment, and let me take the lead where you cannot." The man grated between his teeth. His dark eyes were alive with something familiar and unhinged. 

 

And it made the girl's blood boil. "Your mother and father will haunt you if you do a thing to me. You will have to live with their ghosts in your head as long as you live, and I did this for them. I protected you for  _them."_

 

Ben shook his finger awkwardly at her, smirking to himself in a way that seemed more audacious than his motions. His father was steeped in his very essence and could sense it and it made his stomach knot. "Oh no, sweetheart. You did this for yourself." 

 

He leaned closer to her to find a newly formed fear blistering her cheeks with color. Her eyes flickered with an emotion he couldn't place, yet he knelt a little closer. 

 

"I'm going to take this ship as far away from this post as I can, whether you like it or not. If you want to stay, I'll leave you so they can find you. But I doubt you want to be left behind again." Ben whispered, watching her small form shudder. He stepped back to find his way to the cockpit, leaving her in the hallway.

 

The girl hissed a curse beneath her breath as she brushed her fingers over her mouth. She had already kissed him, and absolved to the oddities that fluctuated between them.

 

She didn't know if she wanted to follow him to the cockpit or linger where she stood. Admitting her own selfishness bruised her pride. It screamed in her face as she took a deep breath, "Son of a bitch." 

 

It wasn't long before the ship began to hum.

 

The rain pattered violently on the hull, and she seemed to find herself weakened by the sound. She  _could_ have tried to fight it, but she knew the end result wouldn't have accumulated to the sum she wanted. 

 

Knowing that somewhere on the other side of the atmosphere, her crew and squadrons were digging deep enough to find the truth. 

 

What morality had she found on this ship? She had ultimately lost her sense of self in this. Despite herself, Rey could no longer be justified by her righteousness. She was just a girl, lost in the middle of the war and that hadn't thought about what gravity meant. 

 

It seemed very much the same for Finn as he bit at his knuckles staring at a hologram of the girl boarding the Falcon. 9E seemed to be easily compromised, as his condition was not upgraded enough from the retrieval. 

 

Much of the imagery flickered in and out dimly. It seemed to loop infinitely as he restarted the scans. His work table was shoddy, and stabilized by empty crates. 

 

No matter how hard he tried to look past the holo, he kept finding the same damning scene. It wasn't Kylo. It was  _her._

Nothing added up to it being the treacherous leader of the First Order. It surprised him that there was a side of humanity to the creature at all. 

 

Finn manipulated the holo once more to find the same evidence. 

He was nowhere near when the incident occured. All there was, was a jaded man grieving the loss of his mother. Finn swallowed hard, finding a flicker of empathy for Kylo Ren. It was breft and very sour and ended quite quickly. 

 

Finn brushed a large hand across his tired face, creasing out the fatigue and soreness from his eyes -  _quite possibly from the cold, as well._ The reality of the moment set in, leaving panic to rattle through the man's bones.

 

Looking down at BB-8 as he rolled around, he let out a deep sigh. If he presented the information to Poe, as much as he cared for the sophomoric General, he knew that his love of the Resistance would come before any personal connection. 

 

Rey was going to be killed. And in that, Finn bowed his head shamefully as he let the reality sink in. Whatever Kylo had done to her, had stolen her loyalty and made her a threat. She was the first friend Finn had ever had, and he wept in silence for her. 

 

The truth would come out no matter what he did. Instead of getting angry, he was far too calm as he removed the Holo compartment from the droid. It attempted to zap him with a broken mechanism that ended in a few dying beeps and blips before it powered down. 

 

For a moment, Finn sat in silence. His dark eyes stared blankly as he listened to the orders Poe barked from a distance. None of the scanners picked up the ship, or Rey, for that matter. 

 

Holding the holo-chip, the man clutched it in his hand debating on the morality of  _not_ giving it to the General. Yet, he could not face being called a traitor by the fiery man. Let alone have Rose look at him with sorrowful eyes, more drowned in misery than they already were. 

 

Knowing Rey, she was long gone by now. She would eventually have to return, but he didn't know if he could look at her the same. Internally, he screamed to himself for anything that may give him an answer.

 

Poe seemed to be darting his fingers across the maps of the inner rim, and calculating trajectories that she may have taken. It was enough to send Finn into a downward spiral as he began formulating any semblance of a plan. 

 

The small fleet of X-wings began to flitter in the dock, sparking to life the reconnaissance runners. With resolve, he pushed himself to his feet. 

 

The cool air stung his cheeks, and lapped as his face as the snow contrasted with the warmth of his skin. If he could get to her first, maybe he could talk some sense to into her, or save her from being killed. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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	4. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey to the Outer Rim while the Resistance begin their search for the girl. The closeness of their proximity leads to more problems as an unexpected guest shows up. Tension builds as Rey gets pushed closer towards Ben's darkness. 
> 
> YES TENSION

 

All of the clatter that lived outside of the Falcon ceased, leaving a palpable silence in the cockpit. Making the abrupt jump to light speed always took Rey's breath as she clung to the compartments to steady herself. She stared down the cooridoor to watch the stars become a wash of light. It was something she loved. 

 

She bit her lip in worry thinking of the fleets that rested nearby, and she was sure Ben felt the same. The unknown destination seemed more worrisome than the First Order. And in that, she took a deep breath. 

 

In the back of her mind, she knew that  _this_ ship in particular, would be shot down without a second thought - _parlay or not._

Anxiously, she stumbled back down to the small cannon bay and hunkered down in her seat. She steeled herself, watching through the glass for any signs of fire or any ships. 

 

Grabbing the headset, she let out a sigh knowing that she didn't need it. And tossed it aside. A sensation passed through her, making her body tense as her arms tremored with frisson. The girl looked around to find nothing, but the pang in her chest remained. It wasn't Ben, or Luke - as he was fickle and only presented himself when he felt absolutely necessary. 

 

Rey felt it strike her more violently, causing a gasp to escape her.  _General Leia_ pressed a somber hand upon her shoulder, with a smirk creasing her mouth. She was young, eyes wide and dark. Her body was draped in a white gown. Rey caught her breath, searching the woman's pallid face. 

 

Ben could feel her. She knew he could. 

 

Leia held her head high, "You know, I did my fair share of shoot 'em ups down here." 

 

Rey felt an emotion stirring that she couldn't quite place. She couldn't formulate the right words, or feelings for this breft moment. "Why are you showing yourself to me and not Ben?" 

 

The girl swallowed, gripping her controls until her hands numbed. 

 

Leia removed the cloak from her head as the hazy light faded around her. She looked like she was made of stardust, merely drifting like a Spector through the ship. "He isn't ready to  _see_ me. He can feel me, I'm certain. But you have done something you should not have. All I had wanted was for my son to return to me, Rey. " Leia paused, staring in the direction of his darkness. "Putting yourself in this position is too dangerous. Even if you give yourself up to the Resistance, you will still have a chance." 

 

Rey closed her eyes, "I will not leave him to be killed." She said with urgency, "Please do not let him suffer for this. He came to mourn you and I was not allowing him to be murdered."

 

Leia's hand reached the girl's face, inspecting it. "Do not let him take your Light. He will drain it from you. You're susceptible to the dark side, Rey. Do not let your compassion lead you down this path. Remember what you are fighting for." 

 

Before Rey could speak, she was gone. Leaving her hunched over and heaving for breath. Ben stood tall over the hatch with his hands clinging to the railing as she turned around at his presence. 

 

Tears slicked her face as she felt the surmounting anger blooming inside of him. She was not afraid. She was not takenaback by him. Her heart broke for the sensations of hurt that rippled between them. 

 

" _Your_ compassion for  _me?"_  Ben gritted, finding his hands pulling away to knot themselves together. "She could, even in death, had the decency to show herself to me. But instead, she chose  _you."_

The man huffed,  finding his darkness more prominent than when they had left Naboo. Rey searched his face, and the saturine weight that hung about his eyes. "Is this some sort of ruse, Ben? To get me where you want me so you can undo everything that the Resistance has worked for?" Rey asked, rising to meet him. Her eyes bored through him, finding his lip quivering with a myriad of emotions. 

 

Ben slammed a fist into the compartments. A few more blows and a harsh kick and the paneling fell into the cooridoor tiling. "Do you think I would have tried to keep you safe, Rey? I haven't killed you yet, or allowed it. There are things you know nothing about. You've seen inside of me and still you question my intentions because the ghost of  _my mother_ wants your choices to be hers."

 

His voice was raw, visceral as it had been on Starkiller Base that night. He ran his hands through his hair, accentuating the fervor bleeding from his eyes as the dark curls fell to the wayside. 

 

Rey inched closer as she stepped over the ladder to stand before him. "I know what you are capable of, but I've seen past that, Ben!" The girl yelled. "Do not make her right. Do not make me regret this. I feel how poisonous your darkness is becoming and I do not want to sit upon this chair, firing lasers for fucking Kylo Ren." 

 

"Despite what you think I am, Rey. I  _am_ Kylo Ren." He seethed, glowering against his scar. He turned away from her to head back to the cockpit, "I  _allow_ you to call me by  _that_ name of my damned lineage due to your persistence. Do not think you're special for it. I am the same monster you met in the snow." 

 

Rey watched him walk away, finding her anger swimming in her stomach. She clenched her jaw and followed him, knowing that at any second he could have another episode.

 

 " _You_ are acting like a privileged child! You and I just talked about this. You are more than you think you are, but if you do not want to listen to reason or answer my questions, then fine. Your misery can keep you company and you may as well execute me where I stand because I will not allow you to use me as leverage in your totalitarian regime." Rey sank deeper into the dark, losing herself in the grip it held on her. It felt warm, enticing as it whispered to her as it did on Ahch-to. 

 

As Ben sat back down in his father's chair, he felt the shift between them. He peered out of the corner of his eyes, searching in the bright lights of the paneling as he listened and waited. His own pull to the Light seemed to signify that his mother always knew what she was doing. 

 

His mother was good at sparking movements within people and could sway them with her charms and charisma and intelligence.  Yet, he felt apprehension vibrate through him. Rey's current became heavy, wanton with the abyss of her darkness. It was always there, but he felt her Light beginning to wane as his was waxing. 

 

"I'm making another jump and we'll be in the Outer Rim. So far, as you can see, the Fleet seems to have obeyed orders and have not shot at the ship." The man punctuated. "There's a cluster of small moons and some planets I dare not set foot on." 

 

It was an act of Congress to penetrate Hux's mind to ensure that the army would stay at bay, but out of due respect - to which Hux had none for the  _Supreme Leader,_ it was the only viable option. Let alone to keep Rey safe, despite how little she could think of him.

 

Mourning took many forms, and his was a volitale ebb and flow of consequence. Whereas Rey began to feel sickness within herself. It was admittance that she feared, and he sensed it as she stared past him into the bleary clustering of stars. The larger formations were still a distance away, but she no longer cared where their destination was. Anything was better than being trapped on this ship. "I want off this ship." She sighed, finding it hard to be in his presence. "Since you are not going to speak to me." 

 

Ben smirked at her, "I would like to interject that I have been honest with you since the moment we met, and I do not think that my mother's passing presence will change that. If it is any consolation to you, you'll be suffocating in a foreign climate soon enough." He said. He was somber, recouping from the outburst moments before. 

 

Rey wiped her clammy hands across her face as the pressure in the cabin changed. It wasn't long before the  _Falcon_ pierced the atmosphere. The terrain was pocketed by greenery, lush and wild. It was near dusk and it meant that they needed shelter, but as the ship lowered, it seemed that Ben knew exactly where he was going. 

 

Rey forced indifference, stamping down all of the feelings rushing in her veins. She felt a strangeness in the air as Ben nimbly darted along the surviving planet's surface. 

 

Large, scaled creatures paraded along the plateaus to small pools of water at the basins.  Ben honed in on a former Imperial base, nearly decimated by a battle some time ago. 

 

He seemed pleased with himself that he had remembered the route without a navigation device, and his ego inflated at the notion. Around the base was barren of life, save for small, white creatures that lumbered in droves around the tall entrance. 

 

It was built like a bunker, and Rey inspected it from the cockpit, leaning forward as she grasped the seat Ben sat in. He leaned forward, afraid of touching her; which he knew he feared in her current state. 

 

Idly, he landed the  _Falcon_ and lurched forward as his body adjusted to the gravity. He was heavy, and Rey fumbled only for a moment. 

 

"Destroy your communicator. I know it's on your person. If you don't want to be found, this is the cut off. We can stay here for maybe a day, two at most." He said, "The filthy hunters from the Northern Reaches come in droves." 

 

Rey furrowed her brows. "I won't destroy it. It's my only means---"

 

Ben whipped around in his seat, "Your only means of what, Rey? They'll be able to trace you here if they're smart enough to check the comms. My busted up BB unit is so internally damaged that they wouldn't even be able to gather more than a holo or two. It would be completely dependent on stupidity, probably yours, that you were found." 

 

Rey bit her tongue as she pulled the device from her trouser pocket. A glower firmly set upon her face, "Wouldn't it be safer to have communication to  _someone_ should the hunters come?" 

 

Ben's expression soured. " _Listen sweetheart,_ you're going to be fine. I've seen what you're capable of." His fingers pressed the air, cracking the device in her hand from where he sat. The Force was good for proving points, he mused.

 

Rey hissed, throwing the shattered Comm across the hull. "You're an asshole." She said plainly, storming off to gather a satchel. She felt a flush prick at her cheeks as she shot a glare over her shoulder. It was hard to mask her actual feelings from him. The emotional exhaustion was heavy and all she wanted was sleep; though she doubted it would ever come. 

 

 

 

    *    *    *    * 

 

 

The atmosphere of Naboo, the squadron had all but left the memorial. Chewie was irate, irritable, and down right unsympathetic to Finn's struggles to pilot a stolen ship. It was plush, clean and sterile compared to the X-Wings and battered junkers Poe had taught him how to pilot. 

 

The Wookie had taken over most of the controls, as it was out of necessity.  He growled in the cockpit, punching the padding until the ship's paneling warped. Finn pulled up a map of the Southern Core and sat crookedly on the edge of a plush set. 

 

His dark eyes mapped their trajectories, as well as pulled up a tracker for the routes. It seemed the First Order destroyers had stagnated nearby which meant one of two things - they were waiting for the Supreme Leader, or they were waiting for the war to rage on. 

 

Poe was privy to jumping head on into the fight, and it seemed that his X-Wing blipped in a direct path towards the fleet. Finn glowered, reaching out on his Comm for Rey. His mind was still foggy, but he held a quiet resolve. 

 

Deep down, he knew Rey wouldn't have done the things she did without a reason. Whether or not he agreed with it, that was one thing. But he had to get to her before the rest of the Resistance. He could help her, he was sure. 

 

The little busted First Order BB unit was on their ship, banging around the cooridoor as though it was unaware of the happenings. It was at half capacity. Finn rambled to Chewie about the ins and outs of his half-hearted plans only to receive a rumble in response.

 

"You could, you know, be happy that we are gonna get her before the rest of them. She'll stand a chance if we find her first. You know what Kylo Ren is capable of." Finn said with conviction, " You and me have got this, I think."

 

Chewbacca tensed, rumbling loudly. 

 

"You could have killed him with that fancy Bowcaster of yours." Finn retorted. He had been around the Wookie long enough to know how his responses would be, especially after Leia forced trust building exercises upon them. 

 

"Where do you think she could have gone? She wouldn't have gone back to Jakku, would she?" Finn asked, furrowing his brows as he took a breath. The least he could do was try, but he felt doubt creep into his throat. 

 

As he scanned the map crudely, he grimaced at the routes intersecting as Chewie took the ship to light speed. It was more graceful than the  _Falcon_ , but it wasn't as smooth oddly enough. It jostled him as he expanded their trajectories. If nothing else, he could search Niima Outpost for any sightings of his friend. 

 

A darkness loomed over Finn, as unrest struck his bones. What if she had finally turned? It would explain her untoward behaviors and needless trickery. She wasn't a snake in the grass like everyone else, was she?

 

The man heard a staticky voice from his Comm. Flicking his wrist, he held it to his ear. It wasn't as fancy as the ones Leia had serviced, but they were usable. 

 

"Hey Buddy!" Poe clamored from the other end. "Any sign of her communicator or the Falcon? I ain't seen nothing but pansy ass First Order elites trying to suck in ships."

 

"None. I can't track the ship past Rori. It went out of range and somehow completely shut off." Finn said, tapping a nervous foot. "I'll update you with information if I find any. I'm heading to Jakku."

 

" _Jakku?"_ Poe wretched, "You gotta seriously stay away from that shit hole, Finn. I doubt she's gonna go running back to that place."

 

"Well, she kept trying to go back." Finn resolved, thinking back to the holo-chip. It would be easier to give it up or any knowledge, but he knew better. He swallowed as he said his well wishes to his new General. 

 

Slumping down, he held his head in his hands. It was going to be a rough night, or day, or whatever the hell time it was on that wasteland of a planet. 

 

"Please, do not do anything else you'll regret. I cannot save you from yourself." Finn mumbled under his breath as the reality creased across his mind. Perhaps, it was too late to rescue a girl who didn't necessarily need it. 

 

 

*   *   *   *   

 

 

Rey had taken it upon herself to sift through the cool pools of water that dotted the outside of the bunker. She enjoyed the freedom of touching it and cleansing her hands without worry that it would be gone. Her mind was plagued by the events that lead her to this foreign spot, and she let out an exasperated sigh. 

 

Ben settled somewhere in the bowels of the building, chipped and cracked by years of neglect. It still appeared to be in decent enough shape to maintain them in case of an attack. All of the archaic Imperial schematics still worked reasonably well enough to make sure the electrical could kick into place. 

 

It kept his troubled mind busy. He almost had all but forgotten the heaviness inside of it, as he fiddled with a dusty, half-fried control panel. This had been the longest day in recent memory, and it felt like a hazy dream. 

 

His mind wandered to his mother's visage and it left a sour taste in his mouth. He would have to set aside his mourning until he was alone. He had shown enough weakness to the girl, and he couldn't bear to express much more of it.

 

With a grunt, he pulled a lever, propping his foot along the underside of the counter for balance. He could have utilized the Force, but the exhaustion got the better of him. 

 

Kicking the slab of metal, he pulled until he ended up knocking himself to the floor. The lever snapped in his hands, causing a violent chain reaction. The dim room's lights flickered on one by one, humming before one ping ignited each of them. 

 

Ben's dark eyes searched the smooth, black paneling and heavy metals that littered the main chamber in awe. Despite its condition, the room echoed with power and he reveled in it. Rey, of course, as she slugged heavily into the room, grimaced. 

 

She was still angry. He could very well see it on her face, and he knelt before her as he steadied his position. The girl cast a dark glance at him, looking down upon his face with a flush biting her cheeks. He looked at her the way he had on Crait, and she had no door to close on him. Instead, she walked past him down the winding cooridoor. 

 

Ben wiped a hand across his face. He sensed an odd presence sweeping through the bunker as she disappeared. It was the strangeness of it that pulled him to his feet. Shooting a glance over his shoulder, he waited checked his surroundings and removed the lightsaber from his hip. 

 

Quietly, the lumbering man paced the cooridoor opposite of the one Rey took. There was nothing save for the faint hum of the generators and insects slithering through some of the cracks. Broken down droids were discarded in one compartment, and several abandoned infirmary pods were stored beneath sheeting. 

 

The sensation had gone cold. It seemed lighter in the room, and he relented to put aside his weapon. The nagging feeling bogged him down as he made his way towards the sleeping barracks; still inspecting each inch of the building as he went. 

 

Rey popped into his mind for a few seconds, as he saw her lazily making a pallet. She saw him and froze. She had been crying again. It was evident in her expression, and she turned away from him. 

 

She pressed,  _It seems we've both made mistakes today, so I think it's best if we end this and sleep. I'll find my own way tomorrow, and take my chances getting killed. I did something I shouldn't have, and I'll live or die with the repercussions._

Ben closed his eyes, not privy to these juvenile games. She thought she was savvy enough to hide her feelings, but he knew better. The image of her faded as he found his way to the room she had claimed. 

Standing tall in the doorway, he leaned against the entrance, more casually than she had ever seen him be, truthfully. He was lax, long limbs hanging loosely at his sides.

 

His hair was unkempt, eyes bloodshot, and skin clammy from the cool humidity. "I would greatly prefer that you did not be so righteous right now. If you can remember, despite all of your judgements, that I am making sure that  _you_ are safe during this ceasefire. You  _did not_ have to act so harshly. But you and I are more alike than you like to believe. For every cause, there is a reaction, yes?" 

 

Rey clenched her jaw as she pretended to keep straightening her thin bedding, hiding her face from him in the process. "You know very well why I did it." She said calmly. Her voice still wavered enough to notice. 

 

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. The pressure shifted beneath his fingers despite how much of a headache Rey had been the last few hours. "You are the catalyst this time, Scavenger."  His tone was low and even.

 

It sent a chill up her spine as she thought of all of the times he referred to her as such. She glanced towards him as he lowered himself to his haunches. Ben was good at distracting her from what she should really be afraid of, and that was the parts of him that made up Kylo Ren. 

 

"It doesn't matter how it happened. It's done. And that's all there is too it. I've literally made my bed to lie in." She drawled with a rasp. Her hands spread across the shoddy bed as she sat upon her knees. 

 

Ben inspected her face, as it the light from the hallway caught her features. He was careful not to focus on her mouth, though his finger slicked against his own for a moment. The charge in the room magnified, but was quickly stamped down. 

 

In his mind, the kiss was pity. And it ate at his own loneliness. Without his mother, regardless of their relationship at her passing, Rey was the only tangible thing he had. Be that as it were, admitting to himself that he enjoyed her company was a bit harder than he thought. 

 

If she wanted to, she could reach inside of him and pull out any one of his thoughts. But, she didn't. She kept busy as he loomed at the doorway. 

 

It wasn't long before she manuvered to the corner, pressed firmly against the wall with her belongings scattered beside her. "Are you going to sit and stare at me, or are you going to leave me alone, because I would prefer the latter." 

 

Ben appeased her, "Suit yourself. If you want to be difficult about the company, that's fine by me." He quipped, sighing as he left the girl alone. 

 

As he left her with her privacy, he hunkered down in the front room with his back against the control panel. His skin was flush and his hands wrung together. He waited in silence until he felt a strong pull upon their bond. 

 

She was tossing and turning, attempting to keep her thoughts in line. He peered through cracks in his fingers as focused on the stream of consciousness that flittered in his mind. It wasn't like the other times, where he saw her. She was clouding his mind, itself with her own thoughts. It was murky, and odd and he was drawn into it. 

 

It was a feeling, more than anything. They had yet to interact consecutively for this amount of time, in this proximity. It scared in him, in a way. 

 

Rey's loneliness was tangible. He could feel every ounce of her fear, and her restraint. Her tears seemed to streak down his cheeks, as he stared down at his damp hands. 

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was fighting something inside of herself, and he vaguely knew what it was. His heart thrummed in his throat, defeaningly loud. Cautiously, he retraced his footsteps. He removed the heavy boots and sat them just inside the room. 

 

Swallowing hard, he shakily stepped inside and placed a hand on the mechanism to close the door. She was still very much awake when it screeched closed. 

 

Save for the low glowing red recess lights dotting the room, it was almost completely dark. Rey cleaned her face quickly, sitting up trying to adjust her clothing that hung just as touseled as her hair.

 

"What in the hell are you doing?" She whispered, feigning strength. They were alone. And that had set in just as hard as the door had slammed when he walked into her quarters. 

 

Ben awkwardly ran a hand through his hair and looked down at her. "You forget that I can feel everything." He said hesitantly, finding the red light catching her eyes. 

 

His jaw wired shut, as the girl shook her head. " You and I are--" She trembled, trying not to look towards him. "We are alone, Ben."

 

The way she said his name awoke a sensation in him. He had allowed her to call him by the name he was given because he would always be that to her, and for a moment, he believed it too. 

 

"We're not, remember?" He lowered himself to her, until she could see the scar upon his face offset the rest of his features. The dim light only illumated that half of his face, and she frowned. 

 

Instinctively, being pulled into him, she reached out her hand. Ben braced himself for the impact of the small fingers that scorched his skin as she traced the valley of his scar. 

 

"Sometimes, I feel guilty for doing this to you." Rey quivered, inching a little closer. 

 

Ben stared at her, allowing her to continue the contact, though he wanted to flinch. It was the most tender touch, and it offset the callused pads of her fingers. When they reached the crook of his mouth, she hesitated. Feeling it for a second too long, she recoiled. 

 

"You shouldn't." Ben said. It was the most quiet she had ever heard him speak. "I admire you for it. You showed me my place." He continued, feeling his body gravitate towards hers. 

 

Rey stared intently through the darkness. "I could have killed you." She breathed, finding her heart thundering in her chest. 

 

Ben smirked, "Your conflict is what I find so appealing. You are divided in ways that I am not." He reached forward and grabbed her hand, feeling her trembling as he placed back upon his cheek. "Every time I see it, or feel it I'm reminded of you."

 

Rey panted. Her body began to panic at their closeness but could not tear herself away. "I am just as much of a monster as you." She said, sinking her thumb against his mouth with more vigor than before. 

 

Ben pressed into her touch, drunk off of her Light and closed his eyes. He longed for contact, for any sort of touch. He had been denied. Every innocent touch of her hand, or caress from their previous encounters to earlier in the day, had stayed locked in his memories. 

 

"I can give you everything." He said darkly, finding himself painfully close. So close he could smell the woody aroma of the trees and the scent of the sun upon her skin. "I won't ask you again for it. But I am with no other equal."

 

Rey, in her weakness, rose to meet him. Her face merely an inch away, lost in his Darkness as he pulled her in. The girl clenched her teeth, willing the feeling to go away. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
